As much as I like to post things that other people enjoy, this is not the most uplifting blog I have ever done. I need to remember though this is my “Safe Place” to vent. It may sound strange to some that I consider this a safe place since anyone online can see it! However, this blog gives me the chance to exercise my right of free speech. And let’s just say my free speech is in need of some exercise.
Let’s start with the whole YAY or NAY to have children:
People continuously ask me if I have kids. When I say no I have none nor do I want any, they quickly follow-up with “you will one day!” Does this statement piss anyone else off? It’s like it’s not socially acceptable for a woman to maybe possibly not want to have kids. I’ve always felt lead to adopt children if I did have a child. The idea of helping a child as opposed to having a child has felt much more gratifying to me. From what I have been told, others are born with the instinct that they just want to have their own biological children. Hence, my husband. FML. I’m not angry at him for feeling that way nor do I resent him for it because he has always been honest with me about that fact. Sadly though, it’s not a fact that is going to be changing. I’m worried that my opinion of it is not either…. Now you say why did I marry him? Because when you are in love (or are direly trying to save your relationship and any trust left) you become blinded to an extent. You lose YOURSELF sometimes if that makes sense…your goals, your desires, your beliefs all become clouded. You convince yourself that if you can just get married, just work through the hard times, just not give up that everything will fall into place. I’m 25 years old, married, and my life is not in place.
Another fantastically stressful topic to mention is career field and money:
If I had a quarter for every time I heard a person complain about their job …let’s just say I would never have to live off social security! People that complain are burned out, miserable, broke, and unbelievably stressed. My main goal: How to STOP being one of those people. Things I don’t want to experience at my job:
-Feel completely bored all day
-work 7 days a week
-Live off canned soup as I am working full time, knowing I can’t possibly work more so mines well become good friends with sodium infused foods.
-work incredibly long hours
-work around people that cause me to feel that I must surely be from another planet
Well there are many more but we will just stick to those. I can’t figure out something I love much less like enough to actually go into it. Everywhere I turn hits a dead end. I’m 25 for goodness sake and I feel confused as when I was 14. Maybe even more so.
Ok so I am taking a huge risk by throwing this out there but it just needs to be said. SERIOUSLY SAID. I understand loving your child and being protective over people they date. However, please think about the long-term result of shunning your child’s boyfriend/girlfriend. My mother in law chose to really only speak to me when I was around her son. When we were alone ice cycles could have grown from the walls it felt so cold. She never asked my hobbies, career plans, future plans…nothing. To this day I do not think she knows the answer to any of those! Let’s just say I stuck around and married her son. We ended up getting married by the court (romantic I know but my now husband had previously changed his mind about marrying me during the wedding planning….then he changed it back…I was too embarrassed to go through planning again). Anyway sorry you needed a bit of back story of that. When we did get married and called everyone….his mother sobbed. Not of happiness. He claims it was because ”she couldn’t be there.” I will put hard-earned cash on the fact that it was due to him marrying ME. Only over the past few visits AFTER we got married has she tried to make any attempt to talk to me or act like she was trying to enjoy being there in the same room with me. He wants me to give her another chance. REALLY? after 4 years of mistreating me I am supposed to say ok! let’s give this another go? I have no mother or father in my life. I had high hopes for her being really awesome and playing a role in my life. Only to have them shot down as a hunter shoots his prey. I dunno if anyone has advice on this topic I would appreciate!
Alright, so I will not write a book but that is my vent for the day! If you read all that mucho appreciation for caring!!!