Could HE have been a SHE?

I just got done watching an episode of Dr. Phil that really bothered me on a personal level.  It was about  over 20 women who were dating this same person online that went by the alias of “David.”  All the women got very caught up in this guy even though he had tons of red flags. One being that he would never let them actually meet him.  “David” worked at a restaurant that one of the women finally decided to drive out too. Turns out the restaurant was non existent.  What’s insane is that “David” knew a friend of these women who told them he was a reputable person.  This is incredibly scary because David turned out to be the friend!! All these women were dating this one girl who had given everyone the impression she was a young, athletic, and the most important fact….MAN.

Now why this bothered me so much is because I once dated a guy online that lived in the UK.  I believe he was my 2nd boyfriend.  He did email me two pictures of himself but that was all I ever got in the 1 plus year we dated.  Granted I was young and extremely naive. However, I was loyal and believed everything he told me.  His name was “John” and I had met him in a chat room. We spend hours talking on a weekly basis. I even kept a journal of everything about him.  Once, when I got one of my poems published I dedicated it to him. I asked if I could take a picture and send it to him. I also colored something for him once and asked if I could send it. The answer was always no.  Yet, it was never no in a harsh way. More like it was hard to get mail to him in college and email was just easier.  I kept asking if I could come see him. The answer was always a “not yet.”

Finally, I met someone named Michael that I went to highschool with.  It was only a crush and we went out to the movie once. Before I went to that movie though I told John I was going and that I just did not know if I could do this with him anymore. He was upset, ultimately broke up with me, and told me he had been planning to ask me to come up for the summer. Really? after 1 year of no address, no letters, oh and no phone calls. How stupid was I. I looked at that show today and went omg…what if he was not even a HE!!  Anyway POINT is that when you fall in love you do crazy, immature, naive, and often dangerous things.  This show opened my eyes that  this can happen to even older women. We must be so careful to guard ourselves and check into every red flag that pops up in our mind.  Also, we need to seek security in things other than men. I used to crave having online relationships because of how easy they were  and how much instant gratification I got from them. Each online relationship that I had though was made up of artificial components.  I am married and love my husband. I can stand here though and say that I did not marry him for the wrong reasons.



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