If you suffer from depression please know that we suffer together. It’s really like a rollercoaster. Some days I’m numb. I feel NOTHING. If I were smart I would get tattooed on these days haha. Sorry had to throw a joke out there. Anyway, other days I feel incredibly sad. It’s not like I am sad the entire day. I can be driving home in my car just fine and all the sudden start sobbing over a sudden painful thought. Depression is very unpredictable. That’s what is scary. I’m not really sure how I am going to be tomorrow.
These past few days have been incredibly heavy and hard. My husband and I have been fighting A LOT. If you are bored don’t feel like you need to read all this but I need to vent it… Some background is that my husband has an Italian family. I’ve learned that the way his family functions is that if you upset or hurt one of their family members they are ALL upset with the person that did that. Regardless of their relationship with that person. When I first met my husband I had no worries about meeting his mother. I’ve never had problems with x’s moms in the past. In fact, they were quite nice to me. Nick’s mom was not. From the beginning she took little interest in me. She did not ask me about myself or about my family. It did not take long for me to feel like “the other woman.” Clearly, she was jealous of me being with her only child. I once told her how much I appreciated her having Nick because he was such an amazing person. Her response was that she was glad she could be of service. REALLY? I deal with major rejection not having my mom or dad in my life. I craved comfort and a warm family embrace. The fact that things have gotten to where they are today is extremely devastating.
I kept telling Nick how his mom was being around me. I feel he did not believe me back then because he did not want to accept his mom could be doing that. This, I do understand because it’s his mom and it was them against the world for a long time. After a while I got really frustrated with the situation and send his mother some emails to try to get her to talk to me. I also defended myself (since no one else really would) in the emails about certain issues. There was never a response. His aunt responded though saying I needed to apologize to her sister for what I said in those emails. umm what? Nick asked his mom if she would call me and we could try to talk through some of our issues. She in turn said she would on several occasions to HIM but she never called. Nick seemed to just pretty much let this go because once again it was his “mother” and god forbid he crosses her. Here his fiance is trying to have a relationship with his mom, he’s getting lied too, but no biggie….. right ? WRONG
Like I stated before, if there is an issue with one person in his family then they all are upset. I feel when I FIRST met everyone (other than his mom) I got a lot of acceptance. His aunt, uncle, cousins, etc seemed to really like me. When all of these things started to happen with his mom and I refused to sit there quietly and take it everyone turned. Before I knew it, I was not allowed to stay at one of his cousin’s houses. Then gradually leading up to these past few days my acceptance pretty much dissolved into thin air. I had a discussion with my husband about defending me to his family (which is really hard for him to do because of how he was raised) .I told him if he could just tell the truth to his family that I had legitimately TRIED with his mom I think it would make a huge difference. No one cares what I say at this point. When your married it is supposed to be you and your husband against the world right? Or maybe I am living on a far off planet completely in the twilight zone. Momentarily, I honestly feel like in im the twilight zone.
Nick has been referencing his mom and I getting together and trying to start over. She came for Christmas and brought me some dvds. They were nice…one was even a Taylor Swift dvd. I sure never told her though I liked Taylor Swift or country music for that matter. I feel these “gifts” she asked Nick about and also they were to get her a few extra points. Either way, I’m not a gifts girl. If you have treated me badly it’s not wise to buy me a gift and think we have called it a day. I’m a come to me and tell me you are legitimately sorry, that you know you hurt me, and that you would like to start over on a different foot girl. Nicks mom didn’t get that memo because as I’ve said, she has taken ZERO time to get to know me as a person.
A few days ago I just hit a point where I felt like I didn’t care anymore. That I didn’t want to have a sit down meal with his mother, that I didn’t want to be friends, and that I didn’t want to keep trying with the rest of his family if they were going to reject me for not having a good relationship with his mom. I posted a status on MY facebook that said something like “For my unmarried friends, be really really really sure you know your significant others family, their dynamic, and how you get along with them before you get married. When you get married you marry your husband’s family”. This statement cost me 2 of his families deleting me off their facebook before I could even explain myself, the family member we were going to be staying with while we go to Florida is saying it would be best now if I don’t come, and Nick and I are fighting more than we have in our entire relationship. About the same type stuff. I felt extremely violated that I was told by him that I should not have posted that status. First off it was on MY page. Secondly, it was the TRUTH. Thirdly, why are you more concerned with why I posted something unfavorable instead of how your mother has treated me?? He showed more passion and anger at me after he had read that status than he has in 5 years towards defending me. That really breaks my heart. It makes me feel like I’m not worth fighting for. That he doesn’t trust me. That he would choose his family any day over me. That I am wrong. That they are right. That it will always be that way. That I will always feel alone. It makes me feel like I want to curl up into a ball and die.
If your husband or wife got extremely angry over one of your statuses from your page how would you take that?
If your significant other will not defend you what would you do/ how would you handle that?