Depression

If you suffer from depression please know that we suffer together.  It’s really like a rollercoaster. Some days I’m numb.  I feel NOTHING. If I were smart I would get tattooed on these days haha. Sorry had to throw a joke out there. Anyway, other days I feel incredibly sad. It’s not like I am sad the entire day. I can be driving home in my car just fine and all the sudden start sobbing over a sudden painful thought. Depression is very unpredictable.  That’s what is scary. I’m not really sure how I am going to be tomorrow.

These past few days have been incredibly heavy and hard. My husband and I have been fighting  A LOT.  If you are bored don’t feel like you need to read all this but I need to vent it… Some background is that my husband has an Italian family.  I’ve learned that the way his family functions is that if you upset or hurt one of their family members they are ALL upset with the person that did that.  Regardless of their relationship with that person.  When I first met my husband I had no worries about meeting his mother. I’ve never had problems with x’s moms in the past. In fact, they were quite nice to me. Nick’s mom was not.  From the beginning she took little interest in me. She did not ask me about myself or about my family.  It did not take long for me to feel like “the other woman.”  Clearly, she was jealous of me being with her only child.  I once told her how much I appreciated her having Nick because he was such an amazing person.  Her response was that she was glad she could be of service. REALLY? I deal with major rejection not having my mom or dad in my life. I craved comfort and a warm family embrace.  The fact that things have gotten to where they are today is extremely devastating.

I kept telling Nick how his mom was being around me. I feel he did not believe me back then because he did not want to accept his mom could be doing that. This, I do understand because it’s his mom and it was them against the world for a long time.  After a while I got really frustrated with the situation and send his mother some emails to try to get her to talk to me. I also defended  myself (since no one else really would) in the emails about certain issues. There was never a response. His aunt responded though saying I needed to apologize to her sister for what I said in those emails. umm what?   Nick asked his mom if she would call me and we could try to talk through some of our issues. She in turn said she would on several occasions to HIM but she never called. Nick seemed to just pretty much let this go because once again it was his “mother” and god forbid he crosses  her. Here his fiance is trying to have a relationship with his mom, he’s getting lied too, but no biggie….. right ? WRONG

Like I stated before, if there is an issue with one person in his family then they all are upset. I feel when I FIRST met everyone (other than his mom) I got a lot of acceptance.  His aunt, uncle, cousins, etc seemed to really like me. When all of these things started to happen with his mom and I refused to sit there quietly and take it everyone turned.  Before I knew it, I was not allowed to stay at one of his cousin’s houses.  Then gradually leading up to these past few days my acceptance pretty much dissolved into thin air.  I had a discussion with my husband about defending  me to his family (which is really hard for him to do because of how he was raised) .I told him if he could just tell the truth to his family that I had legitimately TRIED with his mom I think it would make a huge difference. No one cares what I say at this point. When your married it is supposed to be you and your husband against the world right? Or maybe I am living on a far off planet completely in the twilight zone.  Momentarily, I honestly feel like in im the twilight zone.

Nick has been referencing his mom and I getting together and trying to start over. She came for Christmas and brought me some dvds. They were nice…one was even a Taylor Swift dvd. I sure never told her though I liked Taylor Swift or country music for that matter. I feel these “gifts” she asked Nick about and also they were to get her a few extra points. Either way, I’m not a gifts girl. If you have treated me badly it’s not wise to buy me a gift and think we have called it a day.  I’m a come to me and tell me you are legitimately sorry, that you know you hurt me, and that you would like to start over on  a different foot girl.  Nicks mom didn’t get that memo because as I’ve said, she has taken ZERO time to get to know me as a person.

A few days ago I just hit a point where I felt like I didn’t care anymore.  That I didn’t want to have a sit down meal with his mother, that I didn’t want to be friends, and that I didn’t want to keep trying with the rest of his family if they were going to reject me for not having a good relationship with his mom.  I posted a status on MY facebook that said something like “For my  unmarried friends, be really really really sure you know your significant others family, their dynamic, and how you get  along with them before you get married. When you get married you marry your husband’s family”.  This statement cost me 2 of his families deleting me off their facebook before I could even explain myself, the family member we were going to be staying with while we go to Florida is saying it would be best now if I don’t come, and Nick and I are fighting more than we have in our entire relationship.  About the same type stuff.  I felt extremely violated that I was told by him that I should not have posted that status. First off it was on MY page. Secondly, it was the TRUTH. Thirdly, why are you more concerned with why I posted something unfavorable instead of how your mother has treated me?? He showed more passion and anger at me after he had read that status than he has in 5 years towards defending me.  That really breaks my heart.  It makes me feel like I’m not worth fighting for. That he doesn’t trust me. That he would choose his family any day over me. That I am wrong. That they are right. That it will always be that way. That I will always feel alone. It makes me feel like I want to curl  up into a ball and die.

If your husband or wife got extremely angry over one of your statuses from your page how would you take that?

If your significant other will not defend you what would you do/  how would you handle that?

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10 thoughts on “Depression

  1. Oh I hope it gets better soon. I can’t relate to the exact circumstances…I only have a boyfriend, and he has no contact with his family, but I have felt extremely depressed. I know what its like to want to curl up in a ball and die. Its an awful feeling no matter the reason. I’m so sorry you are going through thisI I hope you know what a warm, kind hearted and genuine person you are…you really are 🙂 The world is already a better place because of you, and all the happiness and sincerity you share on your blog! (And I am guessing elsewhere, too! ) 🙂

    1. Thanks for the support and what you said! I’m sure him having no contact with his family is hard on you to though. When yall get married, if there is a good reason they are not there, it’s THEIR loss not yalls. Sometimes it’s better to have complete space. Granted the grass always looks greener on the other side but you know what I mean!! 🙂 Thank you for saying that about me. That is what people keep telling me and it has helped to comfort me. I feel I fight back against his mother so badly because I refuse to believe I deserve any of this! 😦

  2. Wow. I’m sorry to hear about all this. I know that there doesn’t seem like much you can do in that situation though. It’s always the family, the family. It’s a horrible feeling when no one is on your side. I’d put my foot down and just remove myself and see how the reaction is then. I guess all you can do is just keep telling Nick how you’re not happy.

    Most of my ex’s mom’s never really liked me. I’ve never had a problem with the dad’s though but the mother’s always seemed jealous and over protective. Usually the guys I’ve dated were either the only child or only son. One of them would invite us over and then call her son out to have a catch up with her over smokes and drinks while I sat inside uninvited. Once it got too much for me and I refused to go over he actually did confront her. Funny enough when we broke up his mom was the one that wanted us to get back together and was always sending her well wishes to me. Weird

    I’m actually marrying into an Italian family. But I’m a little lucky in the sense where they are not your traditional ones. I was more nervous about meeting Daniels grandparents especially cause I’m not one of those girls who would encourage Daniel to take out his piercings and to not get any more tattoos which is what they wanted. They are Sicilian and traditional. Plus he dated an Italian girl before me. Is you’re husbands family those types that believe they should marry another Italian??.I know a lot of families who are like that and then when it doesn’t go their way they take it out on the person who is the outsider. They stick together no matter how stupid the reason.

    1. Thank you for making those points and the support!! I’m sure you know what a horrible feeling it is to feel excluded. I have just a really hard time with rejection because I don’t even have parents of my own in my life. I’m in counseling and ironically I want to be a counselor one day to help people through situations like this. I want to let others know that they are not alone. That is interesting about what you said as far as Italian families. I never thought about the whole maybe she wishes he would marry an Italian!? That really gave me something to think about. I think deep down she wishes he never got married. period.

      I keep trying to work things out because it’s what he wants. I’ve emailed his mother, tried having a sit down to talk to her, etc. I feel the damage has just been done. Now that he is trying to get us together again so that we can be talk… I feel backed into a corner. I don’t want to I don’t want a relationship with someone who can consistantly treat me like this and get away with it. I also dont see the point in even trying with his family if they are going to do nothing but defend his mother and not seperate my relationship with them. It all just seems very pointless and sad.

      I’m going to be doing a follow up post to the depression one I believe. His mom ended up sending me an email. I can’t believe she actually made contact. She needed like 4 days to think about what she was going to send to me. She sent me like 4 sentences or so filled with venom. Talking to me as if I was a child and telling me how I needed to start “acting” hahahahahahahh wow. I have not responded yet. It’s rare that this happens to me but there are just not enough words in the English language that are negative that I want to type into the email to her. So I’m kind of taking a breath and trying to figure out what to do!!

      Again thanks for all the advice and support. YOu are welcome to always be honest with me regardless of how you think it will come across. ❤ I know that it comes from a place of compassion and understanding & I will always respect that about you.

      1. Man… she actually wrote back. I’ll be interested to read this follow up. It’s amazing the stress that can come with being with someone. You go into things with that idea that it’s just you and whoever but instead get a whole bunch of other people that for some reason you need to be concerned about. Maybe it’s just us though. Yes, I have my family but I’m not one of those hugely family orientated people. If my family didn’t like who I was with (which they haven’t on occasion) it wouldn’t bother me. A lot of the Euro families depend so much on the opinions of the family. Even Middle Eastern families. Maybe it’s our culture. I don’t know…. I know what I mean even though I can’t get it out lol.
        I really hope this blows over for you and Nick will come around. Whenever I think of Italian families there’s one major thing that comes to mind… Marie in Everybody Loves Raymond. Man.. she grinds my gears so much.

  3. jordanalmetta says:

    I really am so sorry hun. You are the kindest, most compassionate, loving, wonderful woman. I’m so sorry that you have to handle this rejection when you’ve already been through so very much. I truly love you and support you no matter what. ❤

    1. Thanks Jordan ❤ Love you too. Don't know what I would do without you. Appreciate you being here for me but more thank anything just KNOWING and reminding me about the kind of person that I am. U've known me for 10 years and I feel that if there was an issue or I was in the wrong about my relationship with his family you would come to me and tell me. I've been defending myself for years in this situation and it just really occurred to me today that you can't lose what you never had. You really can't. I need to look around me and realize that I have loving and supportive friends who know and appreciate me. There is no amount of hating or venting that will morph Nicks mom into understanding who I am or really even caring who I am. Why do I want someone like this in my life? I really don't . I just need to start caring more about myself and not allowing people like this close enough to affect me. And if that means sacrificing my relationship with everyone in Nicks family then unfortuantely that is just what it's going to mean.

  4. Wow sorry hun, how long has this been going on, did I read 5 years? I don’t think I could deal with that. I know you always hear about the dreaded monster in laws but I didn’t really think it happened that much. I think it’s crazy that the whole family is involved, it’s so not fair to you at all. I hope he does stand up for you soon though but I don’t even think it would help you at this point unfortunately.

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