Yes, I am finally publically admitting it. My husband and I are “separating” and eventually divorcing. It breaks my heart because I love him and am not in agreement with his decision. Unfortunately, this is one of those things that just falls under the category of “to bad” legally. I want to encourage anyone and everyone who is ever considering marriage one day to sit down and have a discussion about the definition of FOR BETTER OR WORSE. Because people come from all walks of life, what is “worse” for one person may be a completely different definition than for the other. You need to know what your significant others breaking point is, when they would without hesitation walk out, and what type of communication they would try and implement before they got this point. That’s all I am saying for now. Below is a list that is somewhat comical but true facts about dealing with a divorce (from a woman’s perspective).
1.Cry like you just broke both legs
2. Drink a bottle of wine
3. Cry a lot more (similar to if your dog got run over in front of you)
4. Drink another bottle
5. Realize choices 1-4 are only momentarily helping
6. Go to starbucks, get cheapest thing on menu (toasted bagel with butter), find a lake, walk (or sit) while taking your life in
7. If you are religious, seek your religion. Find comfort in church, yoga, or other form of relaxation.
8. Look for a job but do not panic, because holding one right now is probably as unrealistic as finding a pot of gold.
9. Resist the temptation to stomp on every romantic movie in your house while screaming “LIARS”
10. Accept the fact that you are not going to feel “ok” for a long time
11. If a friend mentions when you one day try it again…. suggest to her/him that the idea of being with another person is about as appealing as eating an entire can of anchovies while singing the national anthem.
12. Cut your hair (I cut about 6-7 inches off of mine) It felt amazing.
13. If you have a talent (photography, writing, drawing, etc) USE it while you are going through this. It’s so easy to shut down. But I have seen time and time again peoples art enhance during dark periods.
14. Make a list of what you are no longer going to have to put up with from your significant other. NOT a list of what you lost. We are trying to feel better here…
15. Figure out a plan. And if you can’t right now, know that is okay too. Everyone has options but sometimes they take time to come.
16. Rest yourself. If you don’t feel like getting out of bed for 4 days then don’t. Your immune system is probably shot, your eyes probably look similar to a Blow Fish’s, and you are exhausted. That is reason enough to rest.
17. As much as you beg, plead, or try to convince your significant other to stay… ask yourself whether you REALLY want to be with a person who does not want to be with you.
18. Don’t go out and spend lots of money. Treat yourself to small things like coffee. Unless you have a very good job, please do not go blow your every last cent. Remember, you need GAS to go find that job which will help support you in the future.
19. Try to journal. I haven’t been able to yet but I want too. One day, I want to read everything I survived.
20. Remember that divorce is similar to dealing with a death. It’s painful, miserable, and saddening. Everything hurts and all feels lost. But like healing from a lost one, I truly believe in time people can heal from a divorce. There will always be those days or triggers that cause you to curl up like a hedgehog and cry. But then fresh air will come in from the windows that have been opened and give you hope again.