Listening To & Loving Myself

Tonight I got to talk to my granddad.  He is the sweetest, funniest, and strongest man I know. Not for his age, not because he is related to me, but because he just is all the way around as a person. I told him I was feeling extremely lost with what career I wanted to go into. He explained that “the Lord tells you as much as you can understand at one time.”  He went on to say that he did not start off knowing where he wanted his end goal to be.  His interest was in the church and that is all he knew. He said if he had known he was going to go on to be a preacher he would have never pursued his career in the church because the thought of it would have been too overwhelming. He followed what he loved, learned from people, and was led into his love for the position he held for many years as a Baptist Preacher. Before you shake your head and go “wow your life must have been tough,” just know that he never once pushed religion on me. I was raised in a Christian environment but I cannot tell you a time he quoted scripture to me. He left his job at the door and raised me with love. The older I get, the more I appreciate him for that.

This is the first semester I have taken off college in years. Normally, I go to school through the semester. I feel almost like I am going through withdrawals not having deadlines to meet.  I also know that I want to get my Bachelors Degree.

Nursing has been what I have been trying to convince myself lately I want to do. Being a nurse provides a stable career, quite a lot of money, and medical benefits. Who doesn’t want those things?

I don’t love nursing though.

I love Photography. It’s my drug. Art in general.

I am at a crossroads where I must choose whether to pursue a degree that is good for me or a degree that I will enjoy obtaining.

My grandfather who drove me to my first day of school with our golden retriever Glory in the truck, is sending me $50 so I can apply to the College of Charleston. It’s a very well known historical college here in downtown Charleston, SC.  Looking on their long list of majors…. I just came upon this major tonight:

  Bachelors of Arts in Studio Art

In this major I could study photography, drawing, sculpting, printing, etc. In order to graduate, you must make an exhibit of your own personal work to present.

In how many languages can I say : YESSSSSSS.

So this is my new goal, to go apply to the college for the Fall semester.

I have no idea what I am doing. I have no idea if I am going to be able to make money with this degree. I have no idea if Ramen Noodles are going to be a main staple of my diet shortly.

But here is what I do know: I would absolutely love taking these courses. I would love the pumping adrenaline resulting from the fight to make it. I would never look back and regret the portion of my life where I practiced what I loved most.

For the first time in my life, I’m learning to love myself. And with that comes accepting that I am withholding the talent I have been gifted with.

love yourself

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6 thoughts on “Listening To & Loving Myself

  1. I’m seriously so excited for you! You have to do this course. In some way I can relate to you. I want to do something meaningful with my life career wise. But I know that I’ll end up doing something my heart isn’t completely into just to pay the bills. The money is fine but what’s the point if your heart isn’t in it? I’d love to do photography myself and was recently looking into aged care work. Unfortunately the course is too much for me right now so I’m going back to the work I know. I’m keeping the photography thing on the side and plan on doing a course at some point. I have a lot of plans but as Daniel tells me often “you don’t do anything with them”. And it’s true. That’s why he’s constantly on my back telling me to do projects, finish this or start that. I dunno.. but if I sounded half as confident and excited as you I would totally go for it. I hope you do =)

    1. Hey girl, sorry I am really behind on replying to my comments :/ I’ve been working a lot the past few weeks and have not gotten to blog much sadly. Thankfully, today I am off and getting to look over my page 🙂 That you for your inspiration and excitement for that course I found. I feel very led to do it!! I did apply to the College of Charleston. I am assuming they will call me and let me know what the next step is. I love your photography as well!! I am about to go visit your page but every time I do, I see awesome pictures! There is nothing wrong with having a lot of plans but sometimes that in and of itself can feel overwhelming. Why don’t you try picking one or two, writing it down in a journal, and taking small steps to inch towards them. It doesn’t mean you have to quit your job or change up your lifestyle right now. Sometimes a glass of wine and doing some online researching goes a long way haha! I know you will get there girl. Just don’t pass up any plans that you will look back one day and really regret. I would hate that feeling 😦 Hope you are well!

  2. Go for it, Jen!! If you do the Nursing thing and get your Nursing degree, you’d be going to “work” every day. Blah. Blah blah blah.

    If you get this degree in art, you would simply be doing what is already in you to do, and what you’re both passionate about and good at. This is very sound advice: follow your heart and do what you’re PASSIONATE about most. No matter what it is- God will open those other doors when it’s time, I promise. (Remember my talk about “doors’ way back when? Right!)

    You’ve got this. :0) Also, check this out, this is very important. Plath received a Fulbright scholarship/fellowship. Are you familiar with the Fulbright? Go here and check this out: http://us.fulbrightonline.org/applicants/application-components/arts

    Basically, you choose a country, they pay for your education IN that country for the year at a top college, and they also pay your room, board, various travels to other countries during that time (in other words, you get a boat load of $ and lots of good times, good food, and travel!) and you can renew it from year to year. Sylvia Plath did this for several years over in England- she pretty much had it MADE during those years.

    They have fellowships for art too! Photography and various art genres. You have what it takes to do that!

    Remember, just follow your heart! You have a special heart in you. You’re not cut out for a humdrum life of “Dick and Jane” 9 to 5 crap. SHINE ON. :0)

  3. Hey Birgitta!! ahh sorry for late response! As you can tell from my above reply, I have not gotten to be on wordpress much 😦 . I’ve just been so exhausted from working. I think it’s that I have to stand up for 10 hours during the day ha. Anyway, thank you so much for your endless support. I would not be where I am today without you. Like I know people say this to be nice but I say it because it is the DAMN TRUTH. My pictures are better because of you, I’ve made better choices because of your motivation, and I over all feel more inspired because of you ❤

    I am absolutely going to look into that scholarship. I've never heard about that but it sounds incredibly exciting!!! I will have to see what one muyst do to get it. I've never gotten a scholarship before but that is honestly because I have never tried for one. I have learned that we cannot complain if we do not at least try for it.

    I responded to your page about Carl but again I am so sorry 😦 Your family is in my thoughts ❤

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