I’ve realized that when life gets really hard, I often deal with it by just plain old NOT DEALING. My way of comforting myself I guess is by numbing life out and put on this mask that screams: this girl is absolutely fine. I kid you not, I was told by a sweet girl I work with that she would have never known my car just broke down because when I came to work I was smiling and looked like I had just eaten some waffles. (I’ve gotten amazing at that masking thing apparently). I’m unsure why at certain points I can handle blogging and others I cannot. Each time I’ve tried to come back to this, it’s been a bit of a failed attempt. Here is some good news though….
I believe I am not at a better, stronger, more mature place than I’ve probably ever been. Below is a picture of myself and what my facebook status from a few days ago:
“It’s true. You really do all the sudden realize one day that a weight is just gone. My eyes have looked so weak and sad in pictures for like the past 9 months. Having taken a picture today, I just looked at and realized,\the intense emotional weight from my marriage ending that I’ve been carrying around is gone.”
For those that do not know, my soon to be x husband told me he wanted a divorce on Christmas of 2013 at my in laws house. Romantic stuff right? The next six months were the most traumatic, hurtful, and confusing months of my life. Want to talk about hitting a breaking point!! I literally thought I was going to die. I’ve moved to two different locations, gone through three different cars, gotten in a car accident, cried more tears than I thought was even humanly possible to produce, and felt a sense of helplessness that went deeper than the ocean.
But through all of that, I survived. Within two months of being told about the divorce, I found and continue to hold the same full time job (often working over time). I went to work looking like crap and went home looking worse. But what’s the most amazing thing for someone that has just had all that has made them feel safe stripped from them is that, I went. Looking back today, I’m proud of that. And I’m better.
There are so many other things I want to say, but for tonight, this is good. It’s a start. And I’ve officially started over. ❤ Thank you to all those that have followed me, supported me, and advised me.