Silence During A Breaking Point

cant I’m coming to the realization that I never allow myself the option of admitting that I can’t handle a situation. I’m a fighter (verbally). I like to state my point and have the last word, because on some yet to be discovered planet this is “winning.” Up until recently, I didn’t realize how unhealthy this way of thinking was.  I never walk away from comments that define me wrong, challenge me, insult me, or hurt me in some way. I’ve always seen that as an open door to prove my point and show a person exactly who I am through anger.

Then it changed.

Recently, I chose to not respond to comments I disagreed with. I chose to let someone repeatedly contact me that I really wanted to stop.I let them write me a goodbye letter full of apologies and promises that they had irreparably broken. I let something end without fighting it out.

My body told me:

 I just can’t do this anymore…

I can’t hang on to a relationship that was over a long time ago…

I can’t continue selling myself this short…

I can’t handle feeling this desperate for attention…

What happened next was that:

– I recovered very shortly after from a sinus infection that i thought was going to kill me

– I stopped stuffing my face with tons and tons of food

-I purchased a membership for Planet Fitness

-I bought an ipod shuffle and loaded it with music I love

– I felt and continue to feel stronger

 Knowing your breaking point and listening to it is HUGE.  Ending a toxic unhealthy relationship, no matter how sad, is essential to ones survival. I used to think I could not make it without a certain person. Turns out, I can’t make it without myself. I need to take better care of myself emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically. That is the goal for not only 2014 but 2015 as well!

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One thought on “Silence During A Breaking Point

  1. I totally believe that these past experiences are tearing you down because you’re going to be rebuilt into a better, stronger, wiser person. Imagine being operated on without anasthesia. It would be ridiculously painful. But that’s the equivalent to what you’ve been through emotionally. I know that you have the heart to withstand all of this. You know, your x did you a favor. He helped to cut out the unnecessary weight from your life. It’s so hard when things are this painful because everything feels so damn raw. But you’re going to make it! I’m seeing a stronger you. The “mask” is being destroyed- but that’s not a bad thing! I used to be the same way, but believe me when I say, new layers are being carved into you! When all of this is over (and it will be) you’re going to have a new identity. You’ll be able to walk through ANYTHING barefooted- no mask necessary. Remember what I said (long ago) about being a “fire walker”? You’re getting new feet. 😉 xo

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