This has not been the most positive of days. OK, if I am being honest, the past few days have been rough. Work has been exhausting, drama has been draining, and I’ve just started feeling all the way around BURNED OUT. It’s important to be positive but at the same time, it’s also just as essential to be human and feel negative emotions (hence this post).
So here is a list so I can get it out and vent… If I am lucky, I will help someone out there feel less alone.
1. I AM BROKE ALL THE TIME. You know those books that explain how to save money or cut cost…. yeah I can’t possible decrease anything any more. I pay one set fee for rent/electric/and water combined. My dog eats less than 1/2 cup a day (tiny chihuahua) so cheap food. I hardly ever have money for enough food to last me till the next pay check. I’m too tired to cook. Have not gone “shopping” in more years than I can count. I can’t figure out how to financially make it. I don’t understand how people do it, I really don’t.
2. DRAMA. I cannot stand working with people who I know talk or say things about me or my team in the office. I understand wanting to talk or having an opinion. But it’s really not professional to talk about anyone within a business setting. I don’t want to know at any point what people think about me or my work ethic. All that matters to me is that I feel confident that I’m doing the best job I can do. I work full time (sometimes over time), do physical work constantly, and am always exhausted. I don’t need high school crap on top of it…. Why can’t everyone just be professional and get along as a team? We don’t have to like each other, but functioning together would be awesome.
3. WATCHING PEOPLE GO BACK TO THEIR X’s. I’m unsure if this is a jealousy thing or a confusing thing for me. People often come to me to advise them during their break up. They explain how unhealthy and painful the relationship was. Then, after often only a short period, they get right back into that relationship. I can’t fault them because I’ve done the exact same thing!! I ended up marrying a man that broke off our engagement right before actually getting married. It just looks different to be on the other side of the coin. I struggle with the temptation to fall right back into old habits too. I miss and will probably always love my X. I don’t just hall off and marry someone for the hell of it. Seeing people get back with theirs make me wish I could in a way (even though I know it would not be healthy). However, at the same time, I also feel drained from trying to be there for people and help them while seeing them revert right back to the same situation. It makes me want to scream ::DO YOU HAVE AN ADDICTION TO BEING MISERABLE?:: It’s confusing…..
4. DATING. OK, this is just not going well. I tried dating one guy from church. I am sure he is a truly nice guy but after one date, I realized I had never been so uninterested in dating someone in my entire life. I like extremely respectful men that do not expect something on the first date (no matter what kind of relationship I am looking for). I truly this other guy at first that took me on a few dates. But then he did the whole “I don’t think you are ready for this” thing which of course totally crushed me. I sobbed in his car and told him how he was wrong (he wasn’t). But of course in the moment you don’t realize it. We were just at different places. DATING IS STRESSFUL. And bottom line is… though I hate being alone… I don’t know what I want. And until I do, I should not be with anyone.
So yeah anyway….that is my rant for tonight. 🙂