First Day Back To College. Fuck.

Today was long, exhausting, challenging, frustrating, and over all was just hard.  Today was my first day back going for my Bachelors at a private college here in Charleston, SC. I have decided to go back for Bachelors of Education. Do I have a passion for it? Unfortunately, at this point in my life, I do not. However, I used to be a teaching assistant and have worked with children for years.  It’s something I feel confident with and know that in time, I can learn to enjoy it.  My passion will always be photography and working with animals.  I love both and actually just tonight passed up a great photography opportunity. Once I saw my work load in class, I realized community college homework was over. I’m going to call that phase of my life “nap time.”  This was the FIRST day and I had to read pages 9-45 in text book on religion, Chapter 2 in other religious book, pages 1-23 in Health book, take religion quiz, print out past notes and future notes in religion, and go back over my readings before THURSDAY (notice today is Tuesday). I work 37-39 hours a week at a very fast paced physical job at a vets office. There is no down time where I am allowed to study and our shifts are 12 hours. I wake up at 5:30 am and come home at 6:30 pm.  There is a two hour break in the middle but I can’t concentrate when I know I have to go right back to work 😦 . I’m going to have to learn to though…..

So just for laughs, here are all the things that went wrong today:

-I passed the exit for the college several times (thank goodness I left early)

-I could not figure out where to park and realized I had parked in the staff/faculty parking lot. Relocated car to the STUDENT parking lot after first class. (Thank goodness there was not a tow)

-I wore flip flops. It was cold and rainy.Feet were freezing. Many girls had on nice leather boots. Others nice shoes. I don’t own nice shoes. I work in mine and they are dirty. It’s something I have to buy ASAP along with an umbrella!!! Found pair in car I was taking to gym that do not fit great. I also didnt bring socks. So I had to put them on with no socks and just hope no one noticed……

-I FORGOT PAPER. I mean who does that. Here I am coming up in this college with a really high GPA and I don’t even have a notebook with me. Definite FML moment. Let’s just say I took notes on my syllabus….

-In Health class we were asked to write down one person we would spend thirty minutes with. I put Becky, my sister, who died of breast cancer almost two years ago. It kills me even typing that. I’ve numbed the entire thing with her passing away out because I psychologically can’t believe it’s true. Well, our teacher not only says we all have to get in alphabetical order according to the last name of the person we wrote down but that we have to get in groups to get to know one another and talk about it. REALLY? Could she not have told me that before? I wrote something real personal that I did not want to have a long conversation about. One of the girls in my group, Ashley, had lost her mom five years ago. She wrote her name down which was comforting to me that not everyone put famous people. However, still very sad and though we could connect on that level, it just brought back pain for me. I cried all the way home.

FUN TIMES!! Anyway, I told myself going in that this was going to be the worst day.  That sounds negative but it is true. The first time I start something new is always the hardest time.  Once I experience it and can prepare for what it’s going to be like, I calm down and relax a lot. There is no way, there will ever be another day like today. The two teachers I have do seem nice. Very different personalities! My Old Testament teacher is a short stocky man with a good sense of humor. He doesn’t seem like he will require us to ever participate, speaks fast but draws stick figures on the board, and has a kind side that tells me he is an unusual person. He gave everyone his contact cell, said they can call 24 hours a day, and that he was willing to pray with them or his wife could as well. ::twilight zone moment::  My health teacher is a short stocky woman who is also always trying to be funny. The thing is with her, she really isn’t all that humorous.  Though cheerful, she says she does not believe in extra credit unless you earn it on an assignment, requires all cells up or you are booted from class, and seems to think the class is related to public speaking/english class. Hopefully she will calm down a little but with my luck, she will continue to act as if she had a large energy drink 30 seconds before class.

Anyway, that was my day 🙂 Hope everyones day went a little better. Really quickly I would like to say that despite all of that, I am proud of myself. It was VERY hard making the decision to go back to college. I originally signed up for 4 classes but dropped down to 2 fast because I felt myself backing out and wanting to drop everything. I was overwhelmed and defeated. Something I rarely do is just NOT try to do EVERYTHING. I had to be realistic so I made a sacrifice to go through this at a snails pace. I’m just taking it day by day. I don’t want to know how long this all is going to take or what is happening next semester for sure yet. My focus is making it back into my classes and doing that in a cycle until April 2015. ❤ Thanks to all who have supported, believed, and prayed for me. It has gotten easier. The choices are just as hard but am I safe, fed, have friends, good job, go to church, work with animals, still do photography……YES.




2 thoughts on “First Day Back To College. Fuck.

  1. Jen, I can’t tell you how freaking proud of you that I am! Look how far you’ve come- for real. Take a moment. A few years ago, you were in a painful marriage, struggling to find a good job, didn’t have a reliable car, and wanted more than anything to get back into photography. Think about it! Since then, you lost your sister and literally DIED inside, went through a painful separation from the hubster, and really drowned in pain for a good minute. I knew that you were going to get hit really hard in life (way back when) and that’s why I wrote those encouraging things!

    But now look at you. Like the Phoenix (cliche as you like- ha) – you have risen to greater heights and it was your hardships and tragedies that formed NEW FEET in you. Remember what I said about becoming a “fire walker”. You have those feet now. 🙂 You will be able to walk through ANYTHING in this world and come out stronger, wiser, and a better woman for it.

    I’ve seen you grow into a freaking talented photographer. I had no idea you were that good! But you are. :0) It’s so funny how you and I seem to be on parallel planes. I’m only taking two classes this semester too. Look- I think I’m only 8 courses away from my Bachelor’s (in Psychology). Let’s do this thing together like we used to!

    But hey, remember to take some time off if needed. It doesn’t mean it’s “the end” of things. It just means you’re resting.

    I’m so inspired by you, Jen. You’re incredibly strong! You know that you got this school thing licked. Remember though, procrastinating will kill even the best student. That was my problem last semester- UGH. I procrastinated SOOOO much. Somehow, I miraculously made the Dean’s List, but I’m making strong efforts this semester to not do that. You’re a TOP student. Pace yourself. YOU’VE GOT THIS.

    Rock it out, sister!

    p.s. You’re funny as hell. I was cracking up reading this…heheh.

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