Tonight I got to talk to my granddad. He is the sweetest, funniest, and strongest man I know. Not for his age, not because he is related to me, but because he just is all the way around as a person. I told him I was feeling extremely lost with what career I wanted to go into. He explained that “the Lord tells you as much as you can understand at one time.” He went on to say that he did not start off knowing where he wanted his end goal to be. His interest was in the church and that is all he knew. He said if he had known he was going to go on to be a preacher he would have never pursued his career in the church because the thought of it would have been too overwhelming. He followed what he loved, learned from people, and was led into his love for the position he held for many years as a Baptist Preacher. Before you shake your head and go “wow your life must have been tough,” just know that he never once pushed religion on me. I was raised in a Christian environment but I cannot tell you a time he quoted scripture to me. He left his job at the door and raised me with love. The older I get, the more I appreciate him for that.
This is the first semester I have taken off college in years. Normally, I go to school through the semester. I feel almost like I am going through withdrawals not having deadlines to meet. I also know that I want to get my Bachelors Degree.
Nursing has been what I have been trying to convince myself lately I want to do. Being a nurse provides a stable career, quite a lot of money, and medical benefits. Who doesn’t want those things?
I don’t love nursing though.
I love Photography. It’s my drug. Art in general.
I am at a crossroads where I must choose whether to pursue a degree that is good for me or a degree that I will enjoy obtaining.
My grandfather who drove me to my first day of school with our golden retriever Glory in the truck, is sending me $50 so I can apply to the College of Charleston. It’s a very well known historical college here in downtown Charleston, SC. Looking on their long list of majors…. I just came upon this major tonight:
In this major I could study photography, drawing, sculpting, printing, etc. In order to graduate, you must make an exhibit of your own personal work to present.
In how many languages can I say : YESSSSSSS.
So this is my new goal, to go apply to the college for the Fall semester.
I have no idea what I am doing. I have no idea if I am going to be able to make money with this degree. I have no idea if Ramen Noodles are going to be a main staple of my diet shortly.
But here is what I do know: I would absolutely love taking these courses. I would love the pumping adrenaline resulting from the fight to make it. I would never look back and regret the portion of my life where I practiced what I loved most.
For the first time in my life, I’m learning to love myself. And with that comes accepting that I am withholding the talent I have been gifted with.