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How A Chihuahua Has A Fabulous Day

I’m unsure why everyone doesn’t get married in October!! This weather is AMAZING here in Charleston, SC. I decided I could not go to the lake downtown today without my “little.”   It’s wonderfully comforting how dogs are there for us every day. I have not been there for Daisy as much as I would have liked to lately.  So today, I gave her a great day.  We went to the lake together:

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And she enjoyed the view:

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I took a few random pictures. One that I really  loved is below. It reminds me that where there is light, there is hope.

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After the lake we went to Petsmart. She got to come inside 🙂 I picked her out some little treats and one of those toys that is filled with crinkle type paper as opposed to stuffing (my dog will rip that shit out in two seconds). Here is an example of puppy pad explosion:

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  She didn’t look at all interested in Petsmart  but when we got in the car, she dove head first into her bag:

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Daisy did 5 lapse around the lake today, which is a lot for a seven pound chihuahua! She was proud and wanted to announce her accomplishment.  She is now passed out in her very over stuffed dog bed at home ❤ Love my dog.

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Are you curious or do you actually care?

I once read that “One should be careful who they tell information too.  There is a difference between being curious and actually caring.” The older I get, the more I find this to be true. So many people at work or in every day life ask you questions just to start a conversation or gather information to pass around.   It’s exhausting, hurtful, and makes it very hard to figure out who can actually be trusted.  Determining who wants to know about our lives without having a motive is like searching for a needle in a haystack.

Thankfully, I have a handful of friends that I feel confident actually CARE. One huge representation of one is a guy from my past. When we were younger (like thirteen years younger than I am now), we dated each other long distance. We were kids but actually did truly love each other. His parents didn’t know we were together, as he lived a long ways away from me. On one of my letters, I put a lot of hearts which his parents saw and opened.  That was the end of our adolescent dating years.

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  We every once in a while would keep in touch but had years where we just parted ways and did our own thing.  I never forgot about him though, as he had a kind heart which is an extreme rarity these days.  So in 2013 when I was going through my divorce, I reached out to him.  I’d like to say that in the beginning it was because I truly missed HIM. But I was vulnerable, sad, hurting, and extremely lonely. ((Why do we girls go to that place of feeling like we are worthless??)) Anyway, he did respond and the more we talked, the more I realized I had really missed him.

This person for the past nine months has listened, advised, understood, comforted, and invited me to his home. I got to meet his sweet family and enjoy getting to know him after years and years of being apart. Many men would try to take advantage of a woman that is weak and going through a divorce. However, he was always respectful and never once did that. There was never an expectation, form of repayment, or other for his support in my life. He was just there to be my friend. And that was enough for him.

Upon hearing that I was sleeping on an air mattress, extremely sick, and paying off a bed on lay away..he offered to help.  I have NEVER accepted money from a friend. Coffee, books, thrifted furniture (YES) but money…no. It’s not that my friends would not have offered it at one point or another (and vice verso), but everyone is always poor & trying to stay alive. For a minute, my x husband had come back into my life and claimed to want to help me in some way. I told him about the bed, how I was sleeping on the floor, and so miserable.  Never once did he offer $5 to help me pay off the bed. Nor offer me dinner, dog food, clothing, or anything that would help my quality of life.  And yet here was my good friend, who didn’t have much, willing to step up and help me.  If this doesn’t let you know  a lot about someones character, I don’t know what does.

I realized which person actually cared about my situation and which person was just curious about it.

My amazing grandfather wanted to go ahead and get a jump start on me getting a bed ASAP so he went ahead and paid it off.  Despite that, my friend was willing to help pay him back for doing that for me.  Today, I received a check for $280 from my friend. The ENTIRE  amount my grandfather had put down. I never get to pay my grandfather back for anything sadly.  I just never have the extra money or ability to do it. So the fact that I can now, makes me incredibly emotional and thankful to this person.  I’ve always had a really hard time allowing anyone to help me.  I never feel secure and have always braced myself to lose everything.

So to my friend who did this for me, THANK YOU. For offering, keeping your word, going above and beyond, and showing me there is still good out there.

Silence During A Breaking Point

cant I’m coming to the realization that I never allow myself the option of admitting that I can’t handle a situation. I’m a fighter (verbally). I like to state my point and have the last word, because on some yet to be discovered planet this is “winning.” Up until recently, I didn’t realize how unhealthy this way of thinking was.  I never walk away from comments that define me wrong, challenge me, insult me, or hurt me in some way. I’ve always seen that as an open door to prove my point and show a person exactly who I am through anger.

Then it changed.

Recently, I chose to not respond to comments I disagreed with. I chose to let someone repeatedly contact me that I really wanted to stop.I let them write me a goodbye letter full of apologies and promises that they had irreparably broken. I let something end without fighting it out.

My body told me:

 I just can’t do this anymore…

I can’t hang on to a relationship that was over a long time ago…

I can’t continue selling myself this short…

I can’t handle feeling this desperate for attention…

What happened next was that:

– I recovered very shortly after from a sinus infection that i thought was going to kill me

– I stopped stuffing my face with tons and tons of food

-I purchased a membership for Planet Fitness

-I bought an ipod shuffle and loaded it with music I love

– I felt and continue to feel stronger

 Knowing your breaking point and listening to it is HUGE.  Ending a toxic unhealthy relationship, no matter how sad, is essential to ones survival. I used to think I could not make it without a certain person. Turns out, I can’t make it without myself. I need to take better care of myself emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically. That is the goal for not only 2014 but 2015 as well!